I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
