Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The power of my boobs compel you
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
