I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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