when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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