i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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