we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
