There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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