im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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