Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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