he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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