He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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