There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
