The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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