NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
