First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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