dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
