some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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