Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
