So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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