The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
