If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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