$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
