Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
