apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
