No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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