And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
