the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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