do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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