hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
