the condom got lost in my hair
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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