What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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