I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
there's paper in my vomit.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
