Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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