i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
