She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
