I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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