the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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