This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
