As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
