I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
