You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We left an ass print on the piano.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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