u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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