My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize