NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
