Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
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There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
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Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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