Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
