i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
