I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
