I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
