I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize