i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
