Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
