You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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