The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
