I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
All I want is dick and wine.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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