So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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