I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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