My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
