I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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