Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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