Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
