I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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